"Permanent" Jewelry: No Pain, No Gain

I promised myself I'd write a "heavy" Memo this week. One with facts and figures and maybe even a graph.  But then I was distracted by an item of ridiculous-ness which, frankly, I couldn't resist.  To be fair (to myself), the stat-laden jigsaw puzzle I'd planned wasn't quite ready (I solemnly pledge to write it very soon.) And so, instead, I present to you the bizarre spectacle of a singer who had a 10-carat pink diamond ripped from his forehead after diving into crowd of fans. Yes, you read that right. If you've been keeping up with the latest excesses in the world of rap then you'll know that Lil Uzi Vert - real name Symere Bysil Woods - had the gem surgically implanted in his forehead. He boasted on Twitter: "A lot of M's in my face" - followed by 24 money bag emojis, one for each of the million dollars he spent.  That's old news.  The update is that a concert-goer managed to relieve him of the gem in July at the Rolling Loud hip hop music festival in Miami, Florida, USA. "I jumped into the crowd and they kind of ripped it out," he told the music press. It would seem he's since recovered the diamond, but reports are a little light on detail. Like how and why it was removed, and how it was retrieved. And whether he plans to have it embedded again.
But it raises an issue that goes beyond the very obvious "WTF" reaction.  Let's call it permanent jewelry, because that's what it's meant to be (aside from Vert's unfortunate incident). Most of us are content to wear jewelry. Rings, earrings, bracelets and necklaces are designed to be readily put on and taken off. But some members of the rap community want their jewels permanently incorporated into the fabric of their bodies.  Vert is just one example.  Only last week another rapper Dan Sur, 23, from Mexico, posted pictures of gold chains that had been surgically implanted into his scalp. Anyone who's anyone in the rap world has probably invested at some point in removeable "grills" to turn their teeth gold, but Post Malone, went one better earlier this year when he spent $1.6m having a pair of six-carat diamonds specially cut to fit between existing teeth and replace his upper canines.
These are young artists - all under 30 - who have made serious money very quickly.  They want to flaunt that success, not just by getting "iced out" with old-style "removeable" jewelry, but by embedding it in their bodies as a permanent security bond. Markets can crash, fancy cars and homes can be repossessed, and careers can burn out, but you'll have to pin these guys to the ground if you want to get the gems from their bodies. If rap's your thing and you're thinking of having precious stones or metals inserted into your body, here are our top tips:

1. Spend loads. It's all about flashing the cash.
2. Make sure it hurts.  Your fans must recognize that you've suffered physically.
3. Be the first. It's all about doing something nobody's done before.
4. Make it visible. There's no point having a million-dollar gem implanted in your thigh.
5. Don't be shy. Post like mad on social media.
6. Get a good insurance policy in case it all goes wrong.

Have a fabulous weekend.